God's Voicemail
We have all learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of modern life. But you may have wondered,
What if God decided to install voice mail?
Imagine praying and hearing this:Thank you for calling My Father's House. Please select one of the following options:
- Press 1 for GENERAL REQUESTS
- Press 2 for THANKSGIVING
- Press 3 for COMPLAINTS
- Press 4 for HEALING
- Press 5 for HELP WITH THE IRS
- Press 6 for RAIN
- Press 7 for "JUST SAYING HI!"
- Press 8 for LOTTERY WINNING NUMBERS (good luck; we just guess, too)
- Press 9 for ALL OTHER INQUIRIES
- Press 0 for this to all begin again
- "I'm sorry, all the angels are helping other customers right now.
- Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received."
- "If you would like to speak to Gabriel, Press 11.
- For Michael, Press 22.
- For a directory of other Archangels, Press 33."
- For a directory of Seraphim and Cherubim, Press 44.
- If you'd like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, please press 55, and then wait for the beep, and then enter the number of the Psalm.
- To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, press 66, enter his/her social security number, then press the pound (#) key, then enter date of birth, then press the pound (#) key twice.
- For reservations in one of the Many Mansions, press the letters J-O-H-N, then 3-1-6.
- For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, where Noah's Ark is, Darwin, Hitler, the Pope, abortion, and UFO's; please wait until you arrive here. Those questions can be understood only from a "heavenly perspective."
- Lucifer, press 666, and your call will be automatically transferred.
- Our computers show that you have already called once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow.
- This office is closed for the weekend. Please call again on Monday after 9:30am, but before 4:30 ACST (Absolute Celestial Standard Time).
- Please call again soon, but never on Sunday. That is OUR day of rest.
-- Unknown author
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Copyright © 2000 Steve Pierce. All Rights Reserved.